Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to
by Melanie Swirls
Summary: Now i know what your thinking, I'm basically some bipolar teenager, who can't react or feel right, and you are correct. I am an idiotic & ignorant teenager. He lied and i believed him. His lies didn't even make sense, but i loved him. Loved. I was wrong.
1. Now i know what you're thinking

Authors note: Ok so this isn't that usual type of story I write, because it's not really a story, it's poems telling the story of a Kagome you don't see in other fanfics, it's her trying to understand who she is, why she is, what the world is and what's the point of trying. I started writing it on paper a little over a week ago and I finished there, so now I'm just typing it and putting it on here for reviews, please enjoy! Don't forget to review!

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**

_**Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to**_

_**Rating: M because swearing, topics and yeah**_

_**Pairing: none**_

_**Type of story: Story telling poetry**_

Now I know what you're thinking

I'm basically some bipolar teenager

Who can't react or feel right

And I should really go see a phyciatrist or something

Because I need to rearrange my brain

So I can be more like those stupid blonde whores

On television that'll sleep with anyone

But its not like I wanted to feel

Or be human. It's much too hard for my liking

And even more so too emotional

But who cares what people think?

Sometimes I think the entire

World, planet and universe just doesn't

Or could it just possibly be my

World, planet and universe?

I wouldn't be surprised

And I know what your thinking

Your thinking

"Girl, you're a teenager, don't

You think that's more than a little old

To be writing in to be writing in journals?"

But I'll attempt to make you understand;

This is not a journal! Journals

Are for happy preppy girls who complain about

Their parents, this is for a girl

Who wants to know how to breathe and

Live line a normal abnormal

Person. Is that really so much to ask?

Probably. I mean seriously

If you understand the way I feel

Than congratu-fucking-lations!

You're a stereotypical emo kid!

Yay! Let's just hope that you don't

Carry the suicidal gene

I know I sure don't carry it

Anything that could hurt me

Anything at all

I ignore, because it's

**PAINFUL! **

It's in the fucking name

God you're an idiot

Anyways don't try to get me just

Understand that you never will

And read on.


	2. At one point i was lost

Authors note: Ok so I have decided that when it is in bold and italic, it is a poem about why she's that way, but when it's not (like the last chapter) that's like her journal entry (even though it's _not _a journal) about what's happened right now. Don't forget to review!

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**Melanie Swirls!**

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

_**At one point I was lost**_

_**More so than now**_

_**I kept being tossed**_

_**Around and around**_

_**When you found me I stopped**_

_**To stare in amazement**_

_**Little did I know I sobbed**_

_**For my own sick amusement**_

_**You kept me clear**_

_**See through but broken**_

_**You kept me near**_

_**Happy and outspoken**_

_**One day you promised**_

_**Me the entire world**_

_**Never have I seen anyone try so hard**_

_**To hold my whole world**_

_**Not one day goes by**_

_**Without me wanting more**_

_**You've made me greedy on the outside**_

_**Leaving my insides sore**_

_**Yesterday you left me**_

_**You left, leaving me with nothing**_

_**A week ago you would have saved me**_

_**But now I'm left with nothing. **_


	3. I know what you're thinking again

Authors note: Read middle, than left side and so on and so on for it to make sense! Enjoy it! Poem will be up today or tomorrow! Don't forget to review!

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

Now I know what your thinking

"Girl, that poem was hard ass boring unimaginative, unoriginal

Emo poems. Stereotype! Stereotypical! Stereotype!"

Well you're wrong

Emo Kids hate themselves

And I hate everybody

I don't hate myself. How could I?

I think I'm brilliant! It's the rest

Of the entire world I despise. They are the ones

That hurt me so much. They are

The ignorant ones. Not me. Although I'd

Be lying if I told you that I couldn't

Be ignorant. I could be. He showed me that.

He showed me all I could be before leaving me.

It hurt a lot you know.

How could it not? You'd be hurting too

If the man you put all your hopes and dreams in

Left you like mine left me. It's

Like he gave me the books and tools to

Heal myself before stabbing me 37

Times in the chest and leaving my heart

Perfectly intact so id have to suffer through

All of it without anyone to help me

Understand how to use the tools

He gave me in the first place. I remember

Everything he told me though. All the broken

Promises and artificial love

He fed me were still in my memory

"I love you" really means; I want

To see you cry so trust me so I can

Hurt your trust and make you hate yourself.

Ha! I still haven't hated myself

Well not entirely. I hate parts of

Myself, like the one he created

And the one that misses him.

But I kept the bottle close enough

To my lips, their voices are soon

Drowned out from the rest

It really makes you wonder how emotional

You need to be before you no lounger

Count as emotional and you start to

Count as unemotional and detached.

And in case the sorry bastard is reading this

I feel I must say

That Inuyasha, you are not forgiven

Neither will you ever be

You chose Kikyo over me

That was the last mistake you'll ever

Trick me into again.


	4. I'm sorry, i lied, i cried, i didn't die

Authors note: Normal reading for this one. I haven't got any reviews yet, I'm kind of disappointed lol anyways no matter, no matter, I knew this fanfic wouldn't be overly popular. Anyways, enjoy!

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

I thought you said"I promise"

_**Now I wonder why **_

"_**I promised"**_

_**Means the same thing as **_

"_**I lied"**_

_**Now I know why**_

_**I cried**_

_**But the tears are gone and now **_

_**I'm sorry**_

_**But I lied also**_

_**I didn't die**_

_**Take that either way**_

_**You can't kill me**_

_**Take that any way**_

_**You aren't me**_

_**So stop pretending to be**_

_**Because you never will be**_


	5. Maybe i need a counselor

Authors note: I'm not really sure why it takes me this long to type this poem/story things considering that I just have to type them; Probably because I want to change all of it. Yeah I'm lazy. Lol Don't forget to review!

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

Shut up and stop thinking

That I really need to see a counselor

Because you're wrong

My friend went to a counselor

And then the counselor raped her

Well I guess she's not my friend any more

She stopped being my friend when

Inuyasha, the big ass, told people that I

Was crazy and that anybody who hangs

Out with me might catch my disease

Just what part of that made sense?

Anyways, after Inuyasha broke up

With me, it seems nobody wants me

Friend wise or in a romantic situation

I guess that would be a frightening

Experience for both of us

I mean me, with all those flashbacks

And them, with, well me in a way

That they wouldn't want me, well

Probably, but I was also kind of

Hoping no one wanted me

Because then I might never have to relive

What caused me to be like this

Wouldn't that be nice?

I might even find peace

Oh how I envy those with it easy right

Now. They never had to stumble upon

A hot guy who was a complete baka

They never got their hearts broken

They never had the need to kill people

Why were they so lucky? Was there

Something I did wrong? Maybe I

Didn't get the message. I don't

Like my life the way it is.

It sucks. Why like it?

Maybe I should se a counselor.

Maybe they could make me

Understand more about what

I'm feeling. Maybe other people

Go through this same thing all the time

Though I doubt that because I'm thinking

Maybe only 1% of American girls bring

A journal in math class

So that they can write down their feelings

Actually, to be honest

It might just be me, it really doesn't sound

Something a sane person would do

Well that's ok I guess

I'm used to being the loner by now

What else can you do?


	6. He was my prince, was being the keyword

Authors note: Well My school Is starting this Wednesday and I'm quite excited to see all my friends, and the reason my updating sucks is because I'm writing a story with my friend Anne, anyways I hope you liked this chapter/poem thing, please review!

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

_**You were my prince**_

_**So many hours wasted thinking**_

_**About you, and only you**_

**_~.~_**

_**You were my king**_

_**But I wasn't your queen**_

_**I was the peasant girl**_

_**I wish you'd have left me alone, you swine**_

**_~.~_**

_**Now I wonder **_

_**Where the castle was**_

_**All I can see now**_

_**Is broken houses**_

_**I guess I need to be a loner**_

**_~.~_**

_**Please don't apologize**_

_**I will not accept it**_

_**Because you are not sorry**_

_**You loved her**_

_**Never ever me**_

**_~.~_**

_**Now leave me here**_

_**I beg you, go!**_

_**I can't take this**_

_**You hurt me**_

_**And I can't survive**_

**_~.~_**

_**Please love her**_

_**The way I wanted you to love me**_

_**Please care for her**_

_**The way I always thought you did me**_


	7. IWontLieToYou

Authors note: Well hello, Sorry for not updating, Long story short, I've been grounded, had loads of homework, been dealing with issues with my relationships with my friends and my current lover, and my mind just can't comprehend all this stuff at once, so please enjoy this new chapsoem. (Chapster + Poem, get it? Lol) Don't forget to review!

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**

**Ps: Believe it or not, in word, the way this chapter was written spelt out the word "lies", but it didn't come up here quite as nice which means my effort was pretty much wasted... -.-**

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

I wont

Lie to

You

The

Way

He lied

To me

I guess

It's like

My last

Promise

To anyone

Living. I

Thought

It was a

Pretty

Good deal

It's not

Like you

Have to

Think of

The words and you don't have to see how much I really hate this. I guess that makes you lucky, doesn't it? It means you have the right to just read this and not take any of this seriously. I wish I could do that, you know. Maybe then, Inuyasha would see in me what he sees in _her _–not that she's even worth it.

* * *

I guess personally I've just always found it hard. Why wouldn't it be anyways? I don't think it's fair that he has the right to be happy while I have to be miserable. Didn't there used to be a thing called karma? And wasn't it supposed to help people like me? You

You know, the people who cant

Catch a lucky break? Wow,

Maybe he's right. Maybe I am

Pathetic. Maybe I'm not even

Alive. What if I was a sinner,

And this was my hell? That

Would mean I'm dead, and

If that happened to be true,

I couldn't tell you that I'd be

Surpised, because well, I wouldn't be. With all the horrible things that happen here, how do wee know if perhaps this is just punishment for being bad in an other life? That would change the entire meaning of existence, and I think I'd probably be the only one aside from _him _prepared for that, and the only reason I am is because he taught me to be.

* * *

Part of me rebels against my brain and thinks I'm actually sad he's not here, but I'm so over him. I don't even thing about him any more. He's just an asshole who means nothing to me, but my counselor (Yes, my mother doesn't think this is normal behavior so is sending me to a counselor) Disagrees completely.

For some reason she thinks that I let him have the best

Part of me. Does that mean the best part of me was the

Part he made, stole and destroyed? That would make me

Like play dough in the hands of his existence, wouldn't

It? What would you do with a power like that, if you couldn't use it to help people

Or make any money off of it? It seems like an easy question, but humans are weak,

So it kind of ruins it doesn't it? Maybe I should stop my

Thoughts from running, stop my heart from beating.

Maybe I should stop my pulse and constant blood flow.

Wait? Am I considering suicide? Is that where this train

Of thought is heading? I would never… Wait… Could I?

Honestly, I mean, it doesn't seem that hard, all Id have to do is let the knife slit my throat and let the nothingness take me, and leave some sort of note so that some asshole will know not to take me to the hospital, but If I can imagine, could I really do it? Is that who I am?

* * *

Maybe I should leave this 'love and hate' thing alone. I mean, I loved, for the first time, and all it did was fill me with hate. All It did was hurt me, break me, kill me, rebuild me and then finally let me live. But if hate was what taught me, then wouldn't all I'd ever

Be able to feel is hate? And I don't only feel hate,

I can also feel regret, I've also known misery and sadness,

And I've also felt love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Lust. I let those thoughts

Hammer through me mind as I stare longingly out my bedroom window. Happy

Couples fill every fucking sidewalk.

It's sickening really, that they think

They're in love when really, all it is lust…

And it's saddening, that while they get to

Feel semi-love, I'm kept completely faraway

From that emotion, and I'm keeping myself as far

Away from that emotion as I possible can. No sense

In senseless pain. No sense in hurt. No sense in hate. No sense in crying. No sense in being uneasy. No sense in being unsure about myself. No sense in anything any more. Because everything you do, will cause something to happen to you, and the minute something happens, you'll be changed forever.


	8. Im getting over you, you dickhead

Authors note: The wait was really bad, I know, and im sorry, just keep in mind I had to skip a story and type this. I'm in a death note phase right now, so if you like it, go check out my fanfics about it! Please review!

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

_I realized something today,_

_I realized that he's not important,_

_And I realized I was better then him,_

_I mean look at me! I can do better!_

_I also met this cute guy,_

_His name is Koga._

_He's nice, but he's no Inuyasha._

_But that's what I want right?_

_I don't need someone like him._

_I don't want someone like him._

_And I can do better then someone like him,_

_Which is why Koga is a good choice,_

_Because, he's different, I can tell._

_He already told me he loved me,_

_It's only been a week or two,_

_But I believe him,_

_And you're probably thinking that's a dumb ass move_

And that he probably doesn't like me back

_And that he's probably just saying that,_

_But I don't think Koga would do that,_

_And he said I was his first kiss,_

_Which makes me worry,_

_Because if I'm his first kiss and love,_

Wont I just hurt him like Inuyasha hurt me?

_And I don't want to hurt him like Inuyasha hurt me,_

_No one should ever feel like that,_

_Because it makes you doubt,_

_And it makes you hate,_

_And it makes you judge,_

_Which are things I was better off without._

_But anyways that's not the problem at hand,_

_Right now, all I have to worry about,_

_Is if I can finally make myself,_

_Move on,_

_And fall in love with someone else._


	9. life is rough

Title: Hated, Broken, hurt and lied to

_Life is rough,_

_You need to be tough,_

_And try not to laugh,_

_No one needs to feel a raft._

_I learnt this the hard way._

_But it was more like the wrong way._

_But still I can breathe,_

_And still I could leave._

_Though we both know I wont,_

_I could give into want,_

_And give into the touch,_

_And make love and such._

_Now please take my word for it,_

_That's not backtalk, it's wit._

_Besides I didn't need another worry,_

_But I'll de damned if I saw sorry._

Authors note: are you still reading this?

Question of the day: What flavor lip gloss would you least want to wear out of Laffy Taffy; Sour Apple, Fun Dip; Mango and Nerds; Grape? (Can anybody tell I got candy-flavored lip-gloss?)

**Review!**

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls! **


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